INTIMATE WITH GOD

A personal Narrative by a Survivor of Terrorist Attack on
May 28, 2010 in Baitul Nur Mosque, Model Town, Lahore,
Pakistan

The 28th of May was a hot and dusty day. It is my routine to leave home for the Juma Prayers at 12:55 pm. That day due to various commitments I got late and my father-in-law said “should we go?” in other words suggesting tentatively that we may not go. But we then decided to go. We therefore started late and reached Baitul Nur Mosque, Model Town five minutes later than usual. It is always my endeavor to find a place in the main front hall preferably in the front rows. That day since we had reached late, therefore I found a place in the last row just next to the central entrance opening into the rear corridor. My father-in-law went to
the rear upper hall. A few minutes into the Khutba, I heard the sound of gun fire. After some initial commotion, people settled down. I thought that the security people posted at the gate will be able to control the situation. But some time later when the sound came closer, louder and more persistent, I got worried. However, I hoped that the police would be able to react and it would be a matter of time before the situation is brought under control. To my utter disbelief, the firing did not subside.

Instead I heard a few loud explosions and then after laps of a few seconds firing was heard from the court yard of the Mosque. My level of worry and anxiety increased. I thought that probably the attackers were too many and some have managed to penetrate the security curtain. At that time people sitting outside the hall on chairs had been moved in and all the doors were bolted from inside. At that same time the people sitting in the main hall started trickling out of it, and into the basement. And then, some body started firing into the main hall through the windows. From the pattern of fire I concluded that there are two people who are firing.

The bullets started hitting the people who were in the line of fire, most of whom were elderly people who being less agile could not move or take cover quickly. In matters of minutes the main hall started looking empty but bloody. Only the injured, the elderly or a few young able bodied persons now remained in the hall. And all of them were crouching by the walls. Most of the bullets were tracer rounds and the ricocheting bullets created the feeling as if the dance of the death is being performed. I had taken cover behind the wall but kept my head up to have some view of the happenings. One attacker tried a number of times to force the entry from the side wooden door in the front. But he could not do so, because two or three very courageous people foiled that attempt by putting their entire weight behind that door. I saw one of them dying gallantly in front of that door and his body slumped there thus blocking it effectively. The attacker then abandoned the effort to force his entry through that door and came towards the rear door with glass pans. He tried to force it open by firing through it, but did not succeed. He then went back towards the front again and started firing through various windows. Every time he would fire through the window at random he would hit some one. Thus he continued to inflict causalities with impunity. One thing which I noticed was that upon being hit by the bullet, people would neither wail nor cry. They all took the hits and suffered the agonizing pain with remarkable forbearance. This in my opinion is reflective of their conviction and steadfastness of faith.

The same attacker then came towards the rear door, squat 15 feet away from it in my full view and started changing magazines and also took out two hand grenades. I also observed that he had blood on his trouser which was probably due to an injury caused to him in the fire fight outside the mosque. He was preparing for further damage in a very deliberate and cold manner. I watched in utter helplessness and horror for over three minutes. He was a sitting duck of a target, but none of us had
any weapon.

When the attacker was making these preparations, I started evolving various plans in my mind. My first idea was that if the grenade falls close to me and I have enough time to react, I will lob it back at him and the second was to dash away from it, in case I can not lob it back. So when he lobbed the first grenade in the corridor, it came to rest towards my feet, and I was therefore unable to pick it up and throw it back, as I was lying flat with my hands and head away from it . Therefore I chose to dash away towards the northern wall, I had gone a few feet when it exploded and Gen Nasir took the full brunt of the blast on his face and chest and Wing Commander A was hit on his thighs and feet.

The same attacker then forced his entry into rear upper hall and started shooting at the people there. After some time he came towards the main hall, stood near the railing and lobbed a grenade, which exploded in the centre of the hall and caused a wound to my right foot. Then he fired thrice on a person sitting at the entrance. I saw the man fall to a side and lay motion less. At that time I was lying flat on the ground hiding behind a dead man. The attacker then came to the entrance of the hall. As I saw him, he saw me and I imagine that he must have observed my movement as well; therefore he pointed his weapon towards me. I was sure that I will be killed now. At that time no thought about the family or any thing else crossed my mind. The only thought which came to my mind was to communicate with the God. So, I posed this question to my God “God, is it the end? And then in the same breath, I asked the next question, which I addressed to him in my mother tongue and said “jehraye nazarae toun manu wakhai nain, ouh awein san?” Translated into English, it roughly meant that “All those visions which you have shown me about the future
were just nothing?” My caring, loving, protecting and all omnipotent God answered immediately. The attacker aimed and then fired three bullets at me, which did not hit me. I did not even feel the bullets hitting any where near me. I however did not stir. By that time I had observed that any one who moans or stirs, is instantly shot by him. He was firing single shot, targeting people systematically. I thought that he is going to kill us all one by one. Since I had ducked and was lying motionless, therefore I did not see him until I looked up again after hearing the sound of gun shots after some time. People later told me that after firing from the doorway
he had changed magazine and calmly walked to the centre of the hall.

When I heard the firing start again and did not feel the fire coming in my direction, I slightly raised and turned my head and saw from the corner of my right eye that he was facing away from me and firing, targeting people from right to left one by one. He would fire two or three bullets on each person and then select the next target and start firing at it. That was the moment, on an instinctive impulse; I got up in a flash and rushed towards him. He was 24 feet away from me (I measured the
distance later). I don’t remember whether I ran, jumped, flew or I was propelled by the angles or thrown at him by the God, as I have a very vague memory of my movement. But in the space of time, it takes one to press the trigger once, I was upon him. I say so, because in that time, when I was rushing towards him, I only heard him fire one shot. I was moving at such a tremendous speed that when I hit him in the waist region he was thrown off balance and the weapon fell from his hand.
Such was my speed and so great was the jolt to him that one nephew of mine trapped in the basement, was able to see him, thought that the terrorist has been hit a bullet in the head. I grabbed and threw him on ground. He tried to get hold of his weapon but I snatched it from him by pulling it by its barrel. That is when I burnt my left hand. I sat on him and held him by the neck. Since his arms were free therefore he tried to move his arm under his belly. I thought that he wants to pull a grenade out. So I let his neck go and pulled his hand away from his belly and started hitting the base of his skull with ferocious punches. This I believe stunned and
temporarily immobilized him. It is then that I called for help. M F came with a stick and then N also came to hold him down. I then picked up his weapon and directed the others to tie him up with neckties. Later I instructed the people to remove his bandolier and any other weapon that he might still have on his person. An explosive belt was also removed from his person. He had not been able to detonate the explosive laden belt due to my timely action. The country’s interior minister, later talking to the media, said that it has happened for the first time that a suicide attacker was unable to detonate himself and he has been taken alive. The
importance of this person being caught alive and his criticality to the planners of this heinous crime is indicated by the Monday night’s (1st June) bold raid of the terrorist on Jinnah Hospital, which was most likely executed to eliminate him, in the hospital where he was being treated.

that suddenly his mood has turned ferocious and the sign of terrible annoyance are visible on his face and he rushes towards some one in an aggressive manner and snatches some object from him which appears to be a weapon. After he has done that, his face starts glowing and I feel that the face of Mamoon Abdullah is radiating the light of courage and
valor”.

In both the visions narrated above, I think I have been portrayed as Abdullah, which means a man of God. I am just that and no more. When I recollect the events of that day I often wonder as to why I stayed in the hall and did not go into the basement with others? No thought of escape ever occurred to me. Throughout the period when the great tragic event was taking place, not for a moment I thought of my wife and children. It never occurred to me that I should try to save myself. I stayed in the position where I had found the place initially at the start of the congregation and watched all the happenings with trepidation from the same point. When the grenade exploded next to me I ran and positioned myself at point from where I was subsequently able to find the opportunity to attack the terrorist. When I thought that I will be killed as the attacker aimed and fired three bullets at me, I was saved and remained fit to execute the task destined to be performed by me. When Apa M (Gen Nasir’s daughter) praised my action which saved many lives and sought the details from my wife. She narrated the joke I had told her about a Sikh, who had jumped into the river to save a drowning boy and when people asked him to explain his heroic effort, he said “first tell me who had pushed me”. She commented that “It was God who had pushed him” I entirely agree with her. While the perpetrators of this heinous crime were planning the murder, Khiar-ul- Makreen was planning his own remedy, unknown to any one or to even myself. Who was to be used just as an instrument, a pawn in the hands of God. I therefore deserve no credit.

There is a personal aspect also, which relates to my immediate family and I would appreciate if you bear with me for a few more minutes and know about that too. That is about my wife, daughter and the son. Their comportment at the time of the crisis must also be shared with you. While the events related to the attack were being telecast live on the TV channels, we were not in communication with each others. My daughter on hearing about the siege of the Model Town Mosque was worried and weeping too. Her colleague tried to reassure her by saying that do not worry, uncle has proper training and he will save himself by taking cover. To that, my daughter replied “You do not know my father, I know my father better, he is not the one who will take it lying down and that is the thing which worries me the most”. She said that, she was however confidant that nothing will happen to me. She derived her confidence from those visions about my future which I had shared with my wife and the children. My son remained calm throughout this gory episode while he was in the school, but broke down when I talked to him after the event. His tears were the tears of relief and gratitude. My wife maintained her composure and remained calm. She was sure that I shall remain safe.

That is reflective of her unflinching faith in the protective hands of the God. The maids in the house said that “we fear for the Sahib’s safety because he is not the one who will sit back”. I thank my God for giving me the courage and wisdom to come up to the expectations of my near and dear ones. Each word which I have written is true and is from the core of my heart.

After the event till the time of writing this short narrative, I have received innumerable calls from friends, relatives and persons unknown to me. The calls came from far away and diverse regions and countries such as Waziristan, Kashmir, USA, UK, Germany, Canada and Zambia.
They called to appreciate my action. I have individually thanked all of them and now I once again gratefully acknowledge their concern for my well being. I say to those who are fighting the ugly menace of terrorism that, I now know the perils they face, therefore I pray for them all the time, because they need our prayers. I request you to also render strength to them through prayers and expression of support for them publicly.

I send this brief description of the events of that fateful day to my sister, brothers, cousins, nephews, nieces, friends, colleagues and all others who are close to my heart, in the hope that they will remember me in their prayers. Names of living people have not been mentioned due to the security reasons.

~Adapted

Love & Forgiveness

How can these two words, love and forgiveness change your whole perspective on life? First, you must put your trust in something bigger than yourself. You may call it God, Spirit, Budda, whatever your faith is, trust that it has a bigger plan (could it be a lesson in forgiveness?) than your everyday troubles. What is the most important lesson you can learn while here on earth? Love and Forgiveness. But how do you get to the Love part if you have hatred in your heart? Forgive. It sounds so simple and yet it can be the most difficult thing that you can do in this lifetime.

You were wronged or someone betrayed you, how can you let that go? Forgive. Forgive and it will set your heart free. Here are some steps that can get you there. Feel your anger, feel your sadness, feel whatever it is you need to get all those emotions out, write it down and then throw it away. Give yourself a certain timeframe in which you will no longer continue to go on with those emotions. Now comes the hard part, trying to convince yourself that the other person deserves to be forgiven. Every time this hurt comes into your heart, say to yourself "I forgive "name" for what they have done". Every time you start to go over the scenario, and start to get angry or sad, instead replace it with "I forgive "name" for what they have done". You might not believe what you are saying at first. But sending that message out into the universe will eventually help break the chain of black energy that links you together with an invisible line of hate.

Hopefully it will hit you one day. You can let it go, the hate, the anger, the betrayal, how you were wronged and in a peaceful loving moment truly feel that forgiveness. The best possible way to break the chain of hate that connects you by an invisible link, is to stand and face this person and truly believing and feeling in your heart what you are about to say to them. "No matter what you have done to me, I forgive you" It is truly disarming, and can break that link that binds you. That's it! It may be a long and hard task to get to that one simple line.

What does it feel like? Once you have set each other free, your heart feels lighter, you have an overwhelming feeling of peace. You suddenly understand it all, the reason you are here, the lessons that you need to learn while on this earth plane. You will never be the same, because in every situation you can begin to feel compassion, humility and gratitude toward your fellow travelers here on earth.
So You can LOVE again. You are a radiant being moving forward in life.

Why the Elephants Don't Run?

To say the least, it was a fascinating experience. I was able
to walk around looking at the lions, tigers, giraffes and all the other
circus animals. As I was passing the elephants, I suddenly stopped, confused
by the fact that these huge creatures were being held by only a small rope
tied to their front leg. No chains, no cages. It was obvious that the
elephants could, at any time, break away from their bonds but for some
reason, they did not. I saw a trainer near by and asked why these beautiful,
magnificent animals just stood there and made no attempt to get away.

"Well," he said, "when they are very young and much smaller we use the same
size rope to tie them and, at that age, it's enough to hold them. As they
grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away. They think
the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free."
I was amazed. These animals could at any time break free from their bonds
but because they believed they could not, they were stuck right where they
were.

Like the elephants, how many of us go through life hanging onto a belief
that we cannot do something, simply because we failed at it once before? How
many of us are being held back by old, outdated beliefs that no longer serve
us? Have you avoided trying something new because of a limiting belief?
Worse, how many of us are being held back by someone else's limiting
beliefs? Do you tell yourself you can't sell because you're not a
salesperson?

Particularly in starting or running a business, we are cautioned not to take
risks, usually by well intentioned friends and family. How many of us have
heard, "You can't do that?" These are the dream stealers who, due to their
own limiting beliefs, will attempt to discourage you from living your
dreams. You must ignore them at all cost! I am not suggesting that you
should not seek advice from qualified individuals and mentors, but that you
avoid like the plague, being swayed by the limiting beliefs of others,
especially people who are not in their own business.

Challenge your own limiting beliefs by questioning them. If you begin to
question a belief, you automatically weaken it. The more you question your
limiting beliefs, the more they are weakened. It's like kicking the legs out
from under a stool. Once you weaken one leg, the stool begins to lose its
balance and fall. Think back to a time when you "sold" someone on yourself.
We are selling all the time. You have to sell your ideas to your spouse,
your children, and your employees - even your banker. Maybe, as a child, you
sold Girl Scout cookies or magazine subscriptions to raise money for your
school team. That was selling too!

Once you realize you are, in fact, a capable salesperson, you have weakened
that old belief and began to replace it with a new, empowering one. Look for
references to support the new beliefs you want to cultivate. As in the
example of the stool, you want to reinforce your beliefs by adding more and
more "legs" to them. Find people who have accomplished what you want to
accomplish, discover what they did and model their behavior. Remember back
to times in your past when you were successful and use that experience to
propel yourself forward. If your challenge is in sales, read sales books and
listen to tapes or attend sales seminars. This is a critical area of your
business. One that cannot be undermined by limiting beliefs.

There is a technique called "fake it until you make it" that works well. I
am not suggesting you live in denial, just that you begin to see yourself
succeeding. Visualize your successes. See yourself vividly in your minds eye
making the sale and reaching your goals. Affirm, over and over, that you are
succeeding.

Write your affirmations daily. Of course, make sure you take the appropriate
action. As it says, "Faith without works is dead."

Remember that your subconscious mind does not know the difference between
real and imaginary. Before you go on a sales call, take a moment and
mentally rehearse the scene, just like actors and athletes do. Tell
yourself, "I'm a great salesperson. " Do this over and over, especially just
before a sales call. See the sale being made. See and feel the success. You
will be pleasantly amazed at the result. Don't take my word for it. Give it
a try. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

It has been said throughout history that what ever you believe, with
conviction, you can achieve. Don't be like the poor elephant and go through
your life stuck because of a limiting belief you were given or developed
years ago. Take charge of your life and live it to the fullest. You deserve
the best!


Holy Quran says: "That man can have nothing but what he strives for". (Holy
Quran 53:39)